Once Upon a Time,
in a little village by the Great River, a little girl was born. She had the brightest eyes anyone had ever seen, from the moment she first opened them, and a spirit very like the Great River itself. She grew up with the Great River a part of her and she part of it. People talked about the hill above the Great River, where people lived in grand houses and had many more luxuries, and just like all the other girls and boys who grew up along the Great River, the girl was as curious as anyone else about such a life.
When the girl grew up she married a man who lived on the hill and together they built a beautiful house on the hill above the river. The girl, now a woman, soon realized that living so far from the Great River was like being separated from part of her own spirit and that no amount of fine things would make this not so. She tried to be at home in the house up on the hill by bringing water to her house. She put buckets of water all around her, embroidered pictures of the Great River on her dresses and painted the Great River on the walls of her house. She named her children after her favorite spots on her beloved river. She told her children stories of the Great River each night when she tucked them into bed. But it was not enough.
She began making trips down to the Great River, sometimes going alone and sometimes taking her children along. On these trips she visited old friends and made new ones; together they danced in the water and she was filled with a joy she realized she'd been missing all those years in the house on the hill. The more she went down the hill, the more she longed to go again, so the trips to the Great River became more and more frequent. She could not help but go as often as she could manage.
Each time she went down to the Great River, she fairly ran down the hill, and as soon as the glistening water was in sight, her whole body seemed to come to life and her spirit lifted. At the end of each visit, when it was time to back to her house on the hill, she felt a deep, heavy sadness. It felt as though her heart was being ripped from her chest, but she knew the house on the hill was her home and she must learn to live there and try her best to be happy there.
Then one day the woman realized that she could no longer go back up the hill to the little house; she couldn't bear it anymore. Every time she made that awful trip up the hill, a piece of her died. She suddenly understood that if too many pieces of her died, the person she really was wouldn't survive. She would become a shell of herself. She must save herself, if for no other reason than that her children needed that real, alive version of their mother. She felt her real self drowning and nothing but air would bring her back to life.
One summer evening as she watched the sun begin its slow descent, she made a hard choice that she'd been avoiding for years. Once she made it, she knew it was the right one. She felt sad; she knew her husband and the rest of the people she knew and loved on the hill would not go with her; they'd made it plain that they expected her to change. So she fetched her children and her belongings from the house up the hill and made the trip down the hill to the River for the last time. With each step it was as though a black-and-white version of her was slowly but surely popping into vivid color.
When she arrived at the Great River's edge, tired from her journey, she sat down and looked around her for a moment. She knew what to do next. She filled her lungs with a big gulp of air and then plunged into the water.
When she stepped out of the river, what she saw was HOME. She was finally home. She laid down and rested for the first time in as long as she could remember and when she awoke she set about making a lovely little home by the River's edge.
She sometimes thought about the house on the hill that she'd left...the people and things she'd left behind. But she knew, deep down inside, that the time she spent on the hill was over and that it had served its purpose: it helped her see who she really was and what she really wanted. Now she knew where Home really was and she would live there all her days.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Ephipany
In the quiet kind of way that these things do, a simple but life-altering thought crept up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder this afternoon. I wasn't looking for it; I wasn't asking to find it. In the gentlest way possible it just opened itself up, right in front of me.
Here it is:
What if my Real Self is like a candle, just waiting to be ignited?
It couldn't be simpler. Wax, a wick and a flame.
Every part of my body and mind turned and curled around this idea and if eyes could see what happened next it would be like watching a dark, empty house suddenly light up, every single light inside turned on all at once.
Next, the ramifications of this new idea begin to hit, one after another, like a set of cards being tipped over, one right after the other:
What if Jesus was simply a human being with that candle inside, lit?
What if God made us with that candle inside and his deepest longing is for that candle to be lit, not some impossible "complete surrender" or a certain percentage of the mind given over in mental acquiescence?
What if the crucifixion wasn't about Jesus' blood being shed to cover disgusting human beings so that a perfect God could stand to look at us? What if it was simply the repercussions of a human who lives with his candle lit, even in the wind?
Suddenly an old memory verse comes to mind from Matthew 5: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
and
John 9:5: "While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
Not Jesus is the only light of the world. Not you will be the light of the world after you....fill in the blank. Not because I'm about to die you'll be the light of the world. Not go scare people into believing in salvation through Christ as the light of the world. No.
You ARE the light of the world.
Perhaps it's just how my mind works, but this idea is quite simply blowing my gaskets. To this every cell in my body answers, "Yes."
The nature of a flame is to spread. The nature of a flame is cast light into dark shadows. The nature of a flame is to warm. The nature of a flame is to burn away the refuse under which lies a treasure.
I see I've been walking around this simple truth for awhile now. I knew inside in the deepest part of me that our hearts are not "desperately wicked," that truth is not "out there" or "up there," but rather, INSIDE.
My friend, Jonathan Brink, just suggested it's more like a candle hidden under a blanket. It was always there. That gets at the truth of all this in an even different way. I love that image, as well.
Tell me, does this "candle" idea resonate with you? If so, would you share it with me?
Labels:
faith,
feeling,
God,
good and evil,
heaven,
hell,
real self,
truth,
understanding
Saturday, January 15, 2011
My Favorite Song of the Week: Mercy
Gorgeous song at the beginning of a movie I just finished called The Affair of the Necklace.
This song by Alanis Morissette & Salif Keita is sung in Hungarian & Mali. It is just one lovely piece that is part of a project called The Prayer Cycle, produced by Jonathan Elias. Here's the inspiring story behind it:
This song by Alanis Morissette & Salif Keita is sung in Hungarian & Mali. It is just one lovely piece that is part of a project called The Prayer Cycle, produced by Jonathan Elias. Here's the inspiring story behind it:
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A Wise Friend Says...
1. Big B at The Big E's (Easthampton, MA), 2. letter R, 3. letter E, 4. A, 5. letter T, 6. letter H, 7. letter E, 8. Alphabet ATC or ACEO Available - Needlefelted Letter I, 9. letter N, 10. Embroidered hearts, 11. L, 12. O, 13. letter V, 14. letter e
Walking Into a New Year
1. 27/06/08 - The Secret Garden, 2. ., 3. Enchanted Forest, 4. Untitled, 5. Day 69, 6. ALICE'S ADVENTURES, 7. Untitled, 8. Questioned Proposal, 9. Untitled, 10. Taylor Swift- Love Story(explore!), 11. sunshine. a book. and a quiet park bench., 12. you'll think that people won't be able to live without you, but the truth is...they go on...life goes on..., 13. egg - held, 14. secret garden 2, 15. My White Dress, 16. old door
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I'll Meet You in the Field
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” ~Jalal ad-Din Rumi
Somehow I know that it's there in that field that I'll find the Tree of Life that Adam and Eve felt "driven away from." The "good" and the "bad" sorting system will collapse and it will just be...us. To imagine the sort of love and connections we could have without that sorting system governing us is stunning. THAT, to me, would be "heaven." To not need to have sorting words in our vocabulary but to instead show ourselves as we truly are and see the beautiful truth of everyone else. And then to simply love one another. That would be home.
Labels:
acceptance,
friends,
friendship,
good and evil,
love,
quotes,
rumi,
truth,
unconditional love
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
On a Sunday in '81
Red velvety pew seats that aren't as soft as they look
11 o'clock sun hesitantly shining through dirty stained glass windows
Heads all around me - curly, grey, short, long, brown, straight, blonde - bowed.
Pastor's soft but loud voice in the microphone murmurs
Then lifts and falls
Falls and then lifts
And then
Like a transistor radio my four-year-old ears suddenly tune in words and phrases
"...cast into burning hell"
"...a place prepared for the devil and his angels"
"...eternal separation from God"
"...those who are saved will be ushered into glory"
"...they will be with God"
Some words fall to the ground, incomprehensible
Others stick to the lobes of my brain
Where cement is quickly poured
Grey matter will eventually learn to skip agiley over those spots without even looking down
Many more words later
Many more pages later
Many more wordless cries later
Many more appeals through ragged sobs later
Many shouts into empty rooms later
Many more thoughts locked away before they can become words later...
A door opens
Fingers pick at lobes grown around cemented old words
They dig deep
Oh!
Pain in core of my being
Blood - so much blood
And then the cement is finally removed - all but a crusty film
And I am broken
So broken
Bandage up, or try to
And then the angry voices
A few sad voices
They are angry about my bandaged wound
Or more accurately, bloody pieces of cement cast aside
You can't do that, they say
But it's done, I say
There's no putting that back
That's done
That's over
That's through
They leave - for now
Silence
And then
Aching, crawling, relentless pain
I can hear my own groaning in my ears
It's your own fault, they say over their shoulders
They keep walking
Pain knocks me over
I fall in the discarded shards of broken, bloody cement
That cut my knees
That try to enter through my hands
But I roll away
Into the shadows
My own voice in my ears -
Someday wounds will heal (whispered)
Someday wounds will heal? (voice breaks into splinters as it falls like a glass into a sink)
Someday wounds will heal
And then?
Learning to think around and through
Scar tissue



