You Are Safe

The last few days I have been staying at my parents' condo in Pacific Grove, near Monterey, CA. My husband, kids and I came up here on Monday in two cars, we had a great time together until Wednesday and then they went on home. And I stayed here. Alone. We'd planned it for awhile now. Three days. Two nights. In fact, I'm still sitting here for a couple more hours before I drive home.

If you know me personally you know that last year at this time, I was living in my own apartment, spending days and nights alone, every other week. I should be used to being alone.

And yet I was what you might call "totally freaking out" Wednesday as I got my husband and kids ready to go home without me. It was a combination of not feeling comfortable driving in this area (I am incredibly directionally-impaired and don't have a navigational system or internet on my phone) but I was also worried about...I don't know exactly. Intruders. Getting lost. Some of the fear was just irrational. Nameless. It was just THERE.

But I put them all in the car and waved good-bye. I slept alone, ate alone, watched movies alone, read some, wrote some, sewed some, and even drove down to the Monterey Bay alone. I had a good map but sometimes maps confuse me more, so I....well, I figured it out. I got myself from the condo down to the ocean alone. And back again. I even parked the car on a downhill, which is something I usually avoid if at all possible.

When I got to the Bay I walked to a little area with a bench, overlooking the water. I watched the waves crash. I watched seagulls scavenging for food. I listened to people walking on the bike path behind me. I took a couple photos. And I listened.

The last couple days I have been intentionally "open," wanting to receive/hear what my heart is saying. Sometimes regular life is too loud, too fast and too full to really hear. I have had a sense of anticipation since I planned these days alone; I have felt that I have been here for a reason.

So I sat there last evening on that bench overlooking the Pacific, a cold wind whipping through my sweater and hair, and I listened. Or tried to. First the anxiety came as I realized that no one knew where I was.

"No one I know knows exactly where I am."
"What if someone walks up behind me and grabs my purse? My wallet and keys are in there."
"What if the car doesn't start when I get back to it?"

Irrational anxiety clouded my head and made my stomach churn.

And then my next thought interrupted the anxiety almost as if a voice spoke it.

"You are safe."

And everything shifted in that moment. If somehow I lost my purse, or even the cell phone in my hand, or if I got lost, or if...whatever happened...I would be o.k. I. Am. Safe.

Friendly, happy voices walking by on the path behind me reminded me that the world is full of good people. They reminded me of the DOZENS of people who love me enough to drop everything and come to my rescue if I were in danger. But even the people riding by on bikes seemed friendly. They would loan me a cell phone to call for help if I needed it.

With new eyes I looked around. Even the waves seemed friendly...the same water that might have washed up on the shore of New Zealand where some of my dear friends live. Everything around me suddenly felt "familiar." I felt a part of the grass at my feet, the salty air I was breathing in, the waves crashing on the rocks below where I was sitting. I felt comforted.

Even if the unthinkable happens. Even if everyone I love was swept away. Even if the apocalypse happened.

I am safe.

Today I've been watching movies and relaxing before I head back home. But I've also been stitching something with a needle and thread, my favorite way to sew. It's a little square of pretty quilted Durham rose fabric and layered on top is a cream poplin and a row of rhinestone trim. On the cream poplin I stitched in pink,  "You are safe." I cut the square the right size to put on a tiny canvas which I will hang on the wall at home. Maybe in my room. Or my studio. Not sure yet.

But when I look at it I will be reminded of these days I took for myself. How I did what I was afraid to do, no matter how silly that might sound to someone else. How I pushed through all sorts of fears to sit by the sea. Something so simple but that felt so scary and hard for me until I did it. And how my real self whispered to me what I can now carry back with me into my "real life."

You are safe.

Getaway

My husband and I went away for the weekend...one last getaway before the schoolyear begins. It was so fun. We stayed in San Luis Obispo, slept in, ate some delicious food, did a little shopping, went running one morning at Avila Beach, walked on Pismo Beach and in general, had a really wonderful time. I grew up going to the coast here in California with my family, and though I do love the mountains, for me there is something uniquely beautiful and peaceful about the coast.
We were so busy having fun we didn't take tons of photos but the ones above were from our last day, most of which we spent in charming little Cambria. We ate in a tiny sandwich shop and then spent HOURS in the most amazing antique store I have ever seen in my life. It was three stories and absolutely FULL of jaw-dropping pieces. I could have spent a lot of money but somehow walked away only $23 poorer! I got a couple things for the fabric book I'm making for a customer and a couple things for myself.

The trip was refreshing but also invigorating. There's something about getting out of the normal routine (and heat of the valley!) that fuels my creativity and fills my brain with new ideas. I came back with several blank pages full of sketches and notes for new products for my store, new clothing designs, as well as home (and garden!) decor. I'll share a few in another post.

Started reading this book...loving it.

I discovered a new favorite clothing boutique in San Luis Obispo, and oh how I wish they would open a store here in the valley!

It's called The French Quarter and is full of the most beautiful clothing, handbags, hats and even shoes. Here's what it looks like on the outside...

I wish I had taken photos of the inside! But I was so busy oohing and aahing over everything I didn't even think of it! James and I both kept pulling things off the rack to show one another that were "so Cheryl" and I just walked around groaning and saying, "Oh my god....oh...my....god..." the whole time!

But there was ONE THING that caught my eye especially. I pulled it off the rack and showed James and we both agreed it was incredible. I took it off the hanger and tried it on and...oh my. I looked at the price tag and gulped. Of course I couldn't get it! It was just a sweater. But oh my...what a sweater! Finally, I sadly put it back, telling myself that someday I would find another like it....

I went to the back to try on the most darling sunhat and ogle over the handbags and when I came back to the front of the store, James was standing there with the sweater in my size and told me that he wanted to get it for me. I argued just a TINY bit, but quickly gave in.

I have NEVER owned a piece of clothing I love more. I wore it that night to dinner over a tshirt with jeans and heels. I wore it the next evening to the beach. I wore it antique shopping today. I LOVE IT.

Are you ready? Here it is...not close up...but isn't it just scrumptious????

Here it is on the website in black. But the taupe I bought it in is so much prettier. This photo of the black one doesn't do it justice....

Here are some other pretty pieces from the website. There were so many more things in the store. The website is pretty limited. If you are anywhere near San Luis Obispo, definitely make a little side-trip and take a look for yourself!

Great pants...

Gorgeous shoes....

A coat I would wear all winter....

Sweet, feminine t-shirt....

So if you're in the area, make sure and take a peek for yourself.

Back home and beginning the first week of the school year with a full to-do list. Emily's birthday is a week from today, James started back to work Monday and the girls go back to school tomorrow, so there's tons to do every day this week. And even though the alarm clock went off waaaaaay too early, the laundry is going, my goals for today are looking pretty steep, I'm filled with an optimism and even excitement about this year.

It's going to be a good one, I can tell already!

Love this:

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." - Buddhist Proverb